The Messy Middle: A Big Life Update, Our Year in El Salvador & Finding My Way Back
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Sometimes the hardest part of following a dream isn't getting there. It's figuring out what to do when the dream doesn't turn out the way you imagined.
It's been a long time.
To all of the amazing people who have followed me and supported my journey here, thank you for being here even though I've been a little quiet for a very long time.
There have been so many emotions, ups and downs since our move to El Salvador that I couldn't put them into words. Honestly, I couldn't find the energy or the right way to express all of this until now.
It hurt.
I felt ashamed. I didn't feel confident getting back on camera or staying positive sometimes. I gained weight instead — maybe the stress, or the pupusas, pan dulce, and Regias, lol.
I felt like a failure a lot.
My inner critic was strong, and it still shows up; I have to keep remembering.
I felt like the only energy I had left was to do what I needed to do to support my family and be there for my toddler and my teen.
But I have to thank the love and support of my family — and art — for keeping me going and helping me get back up.
Because sometimes life doesn't look anything like the picture we had in our heads.
And sometimes, that's where the real growth happens.
When everything seemed to align
Just before our move, I felt like the universe had moved mountains and aligned everything for our big family move to El Salvador.
So many things fell into place for it all to work, and it felt like a dream.
Then, six months later, the financial plan and options we thought would make this move possible began to crumble.
So many people asked us how we were doing it, and we truly thought we had a “Master Plan” — one that even included a Plan B, and even a Plan C, to make things work.
But we were slowly running out of time.
We had to find a way to provide for our kids!
Maybe if it were a kidless life, it would have been simpler to make certain sacrifices to keep this going. But having two kids who depend on us gave us a completely different perspective on the blessing of money coming in and being able to provide for our family.
As entrepreneurs for the last decade, we were used to taking risks.
But this move pushed us to a new level.
We had to make some tough decisions and look at things from a new perspective. It opened our eyes to a new possibility — one that also felt scary, but right.
The kind of scary where you want to trust that maybe the universe is pushing you exactly where you need to be.
We didn't move because we were afraid
I always said I didn't want to make this move about fear, even though you could see it that way with so much happening in the world and in the U.S. right now, but perhaps that was the push we needed to make that leap.
As we learned, there could be 100 reasons to want to move away from everything.
But for us, that wasn't the reason.
We truly always wanted this experience for our kids, and time seemed to be running away.
And for me, I wanted to be closer to my family for the first time in my life: my sisters, nieces and nephews, my parents, aunts and uncles- they are all there.
It felt right in so many ways.
With our oldest turning into a teenager — and an adult before we knew it — and becoming a mom again, this move felt so right.
There was something about getting to experience this part of life together as a family that I knew we couldn't get back.
And I'm so grateful that we did it.
The part I will always carry with me
I can't take for granted the blessing it has been to share so many moments with my sisters, my nieces and nephews, my parents, cousins, aunts, and uncles in ways we would have never been able to share while living in the U.S.
That part of this experience will stay with me forever.
It breaks my heart to be away from them again...
I can't even tell you :(
Just thinking about it makes my heart break a little — knowing that we have to be so far away from each other.
It truly makes me wish no borders were separating us this much in this life.
But that, and our situation, are out of my control (Except for going out to Vote and civic duties!).
And I feel so privileged to be able to come back and forth. When I came here as a 15-year-old, I would have never imagined all the process that would come to El Salvador, which allowed my American kids and husband to move without the fear that surrounded and threatened my Salvadoran family for so long.
Being able to do this has been a dream come true for me, and I appreciate it even more now, especially with the way immigration has sadly shifted.
Maybe the plan changing doesn't mean we failed
I want to trust that the universe is taking us exactly where we are meant to be.
That none of it was for nothing.
The experiences and lessons we took from this past year in El Salvador will live with us forever.
We came back with a new perspective and appreciation for so many things.
I'm working to remember every day that we are exactly where we are meant to be, thinking back only to learn from this experience.
Because while the world may seem scary at times, and things don't always turn out the way we plan them, perhaps the universe is pushing us toward something even better and bigger than we imagined.
I am sad and excited at the same time.
The paradox of my life right now.
Leaving one home and coming back to another
I got to experience the country I grew up in until I was 15. I remember so much of my world there.
I enjoyed the warmth and love of my family, the delicious food, the beautiful mountains, beaches, lakes, and volcanoes, the culture — all alongside my kids and my husband.
I got to see my children experience a part of me that they could never fully understand from a distance.
Leaving it behind will leave a tear in my heart for some time.
But that will keep pushing me to keep coming back and eventually make it our other home away from home.
At the same time, I am excited to be back in our Satellite Beach home that we built with so much love.
Our beautiful beach community.
Our friends and family there who are such a special part of our lives.
We also came back with a refreshed perspective and appreciation for our businesses, and the opportunity for our oldest to begin high school back in Satellite Beach with all the friends he grew up with, playing football like he always wanted.
There is so much to be grateful for on both sides.
And maybe that's why this season feels so complicated.
I can miss one home deeply while being grateful to be back in another.
And then there's Purposeful Dreamer
I know that Purposeful Dreamer continues to be part of me.
Even though I haven't been able to share it all here, art continued to call me.
Not as much as I would like to, but enough for the purpose it has served for me.
Art kept giving me space to breathe.
It gave me a place to process everything I couldn't always put into words.
And it made space for new plans and ideas to build up — including ways to recreate the space for creatives that I had dreamed of since the pandemic, when I started Purposeful Dreamer.
I don't think I can give up.
As hard as that feeling of failure has been at times, it taught me that all I can do is create and trust.
But I also have to pay the bills...
I have to be a responsible adult and a mom of two amazing boys who need me now more than ever.
And I am blessed with a business I've put my heart and soul into with my partner for the last 10 years—All About ElectriCal can provide opportunities not just for us, but for so many people in our community, while helping others. It's been the biggest blessing and our hardest challenge as a couple, and this move, this time away, really gave us a new perspective and made us grow in the ways we needed to push forward.
I know that is also part of my purpose...
Maybe purpose doesn't always come in one perfect package.
Maybe sometimes it looks like a business.
Sometimes it looks like motherhood.
Sometimes it looks like art.
Sometimes it looks like taking a risk, moving across borders, changing plans, and starting over.
And sometimes it looks like simply getting back up.
So this is where I'm at.
I will slowly get back here.
Sharing my art as I can.
Sharing this experience.
Sharing the lessons we learned from being in El Salvador this past year.
And sharing the exciting ways I am slowly creating space for other creatives like me to support each other through this purposeful creative journey.
Because I still believe that art is a tool for a magical life available to all of us, if we believe in our own unique abilities. And the best part? We have an unlimited unseen world out there ready to be created...
I still believe in creating.
I still believe in dreaming.
And I still believe in Purposeful Dreamer.
Maybe it just needed to grow and change along with me...
Thank you for being here
Thank you to my friends and family for all your love and support.
We couldn't do what we do without you.
And to all of you who have followed my journey and connected with me here, again, thank you for your support.
Thank you for giving me the space to step away when I needed to.
And thank you for still being here when I found my way back.
I hope my story inspires you to trust in the path you are on — even the messy parts.
I hope you can quiet that voice like me, that says you are failing, and shift it into:
I am on the path.
The universe is teaching me and guiding me every step of the way.
And maybe that's what this season has taught me most:
The middle of the story doesn't have to make sense yet.
We don't always know where the path is taking us.
We just have to keep walking.
Karina Morales-Hines
Purposeful Dreamer
